A List of Things You Should not Gift on Christmas
Ho Ho Ho! We know you know that Christmas is just round the corner. And we also know that you are under immense pressure of buying just the right gift. You already have RSVPed for three Christmas parties and for the other two have hit the Maybe button. Their fates hang on the amount of eggnog you consume in the previous three parties. Sounds like so much fun. But here’s the catch. You have to carry a gift with you, other than your own booze, of course. And you are already too late to buy presents. So we thought of coming to your rescue. While we won’t be telling you what to buy, we can and we will tell you what not to buy. Here’s a list of the worst Christmas ever. DO. NOT. BUY. THEM.
1. A box of Haldiram’s Soan Papadi
You are not fifteen. You don’t let your mother buy presents for you. At least you shouldn’t. This is not a Diwali gift for your neighbour Gupta Ji. And no one eats Soan Papdi anymore. In fact, we are not sure why anyone was ever eating Soan Papdi.
2. A Ganpati Statue
Sure you think it is auspicious. Hey, it’s not like only Christians celebrate Christmas, right? I can totally gift a Ganpati statue. It’s easy to buy. News for you bro, you can’t. You just can’t. It’s not because Jesus and Ganpati don’t get along well. Write it down somewhere. Not just on Christmas, but you should avoid gifting a Ganpati statue on any occasion. The ones who get it, pull a face and judge you.
3. Archies Greeting Cards
Again, you are not fifteen. And these cards aren’t cute anymore.
4. A Wall Clock
Guess what, the nineties just called and it wants its clock back. Unless you find an exquisite vintage clock, don’t even think about it.
5. A Tantra Tee Shirt
Just Keep Calm and don’t buy a tee shirt with a stupid quote on it. Don’t.
6. The Cobra Perfume
No one, and we repeat, no one wants to smell like they just ran a hundred miles after wearing perfume. The smell is just repugnant. Throw it away, as far as you can.
7. The Laughing Buddha Statues
Refer to point number three and to point number one. Please.
8. A Empty Photo Frame
Unless you have an old picture that you can get framed, don’t ever buy the tacky photo frames available in Archies and Hallmark. No one ever uses them. You know that. You probably are wrapping an old one from your unused gift collection. Aren’t you?
9. A Key Chain That Says Merry Christmas
Even if you bought those beads and put them in the thread with your own bare hands, don’t ever gift that thing to anyone. Because it’s lame and you will probably end up spelling Christmas incorrectly. If you are stupid enough to come up with this idea, you are stupid enough to not know how to spell the word. Get it?
10. A Cushion Cover With a Picture Printed on It
On a scale of one to Hannibal Lecter, exactly how creepy are you? Don’t ever get that done. And while we are still on the subject, printed bed sheets and mugs and other things printable too are out of question.