How To Conduct A Job Interview In Sholay Dialogues
How to conduct a job interview using Sholay dialogues? It’s not very hard. The movie has a question for every possible answer.
1. When the interviewee walks in, shake hands for a few seconds longer than usual and say, Ye haath nahi phasi ka phanda hai.
2. Look at the file of the interviewee and read his or her name. Then smile to yourself like you have accomplished a mean feat. Look intently at the interviewee and ask, tumhara naam kya hai < insert name >
3. If the person starts laughing, pretend like you are angry and you take this shit seriously. The minute they stop laughing, ask: Kya soch ke aae they, sardar khus hoga, sabasi dega? Dikkar hai!
4. When the interviewee begins to look a bit puzzled and goes silent ask, itna sannata kyu hai bhai?
5. And the minute they start talking, say: Yunki… ye kon bola?
6. Laugh as the interviewee gets irritated and starts thinking you are bonkers. Ask inappropriate questions about personal life, marital status and other shit. If the interviewee is an unmarried woman, say: ghar me jawaan beti seene par pathhar ke sil ki tarah hoti hai.
7. To check his/her general knowledge ask: Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi?
8. If the interviewee asks you if this is some kind of a joke, get angry and threaten. Pachas kos door gaon me jab bachcha raat ko rota hai to maa kahti hai beta soja ..soja nahi toh < insert your name > aa jaayega.
9. Now ask some important questions about educational qualifications. Begin your question with: Dekho, Mujhe befuzool baat karne ki aadat to hai nahin.
10. When the person asks you how much the salary would be, say: Poore Pachaas Hazaar.
11. If she/he tries to negotiate, get very angry. Glare at him/her and say < insert your name > ke taap se tumhe ek hi aadmi bacha sakta hai, ek hi aadmi, khud < insert your name >
12. As you wrap up the negotiation, and the final question of joining dates is asked say, loha garam hai, maar do hathauda. And laugh your Gabbaresque laugh as the candidate walks out of the door.
Manjiri Indurkar is a writer-journalist and poet from New Delhi. Her hobbies include reading, writing and eating (food and words, equally).